The
Blindside
Divorce is undoubtedly one of the
most difficult and, conversely liberating events in one’s life. The decision to divorce sometimes comes
suddenly, out of the blue, leaving the unsuspecting partner breathless,
devastated and drowning. A blindside of
sorts.
Last week, I was served papers;
unceremoniously, across a polished, mahogany table. A paper was given to me with just two words spoken;
“sign here.” I refused to sign, not
knowing to what I was assigning my name.
Had I done something to my partner?
Had I said something terrible or hurt the children in any way? No one at that polished slab of wood uttered
a word; no one raised their eyes to look at me.
The hammering of my heart and the growl of my intestines were the only
thing indicated that this was not a horrible prank. With one last gasp of fire and dignity, I
took the offending paper and added my own words. “I refused to sign, because I was not told
what I was signing.”
My first thoughts were of the
children. How would I explain to them
that I would not be with them to share their final years of high school, never
take prom pictures, nor be one of those proud few in the special section at
graduation. I gathered them close and
just blurted it all out. I knew I should
have handled it better, but that’s what a blindside does. The damage was done; the shock on their faces
was more that I could bear.
I called upon friends to tell them
of the divorce, because in all divorces friends are hurt, too. I wanted them to hear the news from me and to
let them know I would understand if they had to reevaluate our friendship. In all divorces, you lose friends. All of my friends had been my partner’s
friends, long before I came into the picture. I knew they liked me better, but in a divorce,
longevity and familiarity trump all.
Also, in divorces, friends often wonder,” if it can happen to her, it
can happen to me. They seemed so happy.” They were blindsided too.
Almost a week has gone by; my
breath doesn’t catch in my throat as often. I can see a bit more clearly that
the divorce is most likely going to be very liberating. I can
see how toxic and unhealthy this partnership was. I realize that there were hints of a
blindside, but I loved my partner and loved the life I had been living. I know I will find another partner; I will
celebrate more proms and graduations. Out
there, is a partner who will cherish me and respect all of who I am, without
reservations, without vindictiveness, without blindsides. I am swimming to the surface, clearing
debris, working to heal. I am learning
to trust myself and my choices. My
future is still murky and uncertain, but I am hopeful. The next time choose a partner, I will choose
with the sting of a blindside always under the surface; lesson learned.
I am a Moderate Special Needs, non-tenured
high school English teacher. There is a clause, MGL Chapter 71 § 42 states that
non-professional status teachers teachers are “employees at will,” which means
they may be terminated by the employer for any reason or for no reason. (massteacher.org) My Principal, my partner of two years, used
this to hand me my walking papers last week.
It is for him and his posse that I write this. It is my hope that
parents who entrust their children to teachers, who truly care, will demand a
change to the recklessness that ensues when there is absolute power. Change begins with one small voice, but if all
who have been blindsided rally and join voices, maybe, just maybe, the cry to change
will be heard and blindsides will never be allowed again.
