Exerpts from my TMMS journal

December 14, 2012

The first half of today went really well.  All of my kids are really becoming avid star watchers, with most having watched the Geminid Meteor Showers last night!~ and today I was able to have Ken be a” phone a friend” and answer all sorts of Astronomy questions from them! I was amazed at how much thought they have put into this unit.  Rony asked me the other day, “How long does it take to work for that Space thingy?” (NASA) He wants to be a part of building a colony on Mars. Honestly he has some great Ideas! All the kids are working very hard on their Postcards from Mars and can’t wait to see them hanging up!  I am going to ask if we can put them in the display case.

The kids have had a very tough week; Jerome has been suspended again; this time for breaking a desk in Julia’s room.  I heard he took out a few lockers too.  Word has it that he also had to be restrained. Somehow, maybe it’s because I am not Tootle the Train and I never stay on the tracks, they have been OK in my classes.  A few little dust-ups but nothing I can’t work with.

Deunta told me I was “fuckin’whacked” when I asked him to begin his postcard, (suspensions and absences) cuz, “I ain’t goin to do that shit.” Unfortunately he had to leave…..He did return with an apology and was able to participate in the “phone a friend” asking Ken about what was the big fuzzy thing in “the dude’s sword? (Orion’s sword/nebula)  Gotta love it….the dude…. 

……Then, Cheryl showed me a text she had received about the Sandy Hook shooting.  My first thought was about my Syracuse friend, JoAnn, who is an elementary school teacher “somewhere”in CT.

My next thoughts were of KJ and Ellie and how much I needed to hold them.  I had the same awful gut wrenching sick feeling I had when my two babies were at Waybright Elementary School and the planes hit the Trade Center in NY.

These are some of my FB posts and blogs. The FB page is where JoAnn and I have a lot of mutual friends who are teachers (Syracuse University)

Profoundly sad.  As a public school teacher, I spend 5 days a week with students with whom I have become very fond. I do not teach them, they teach me. I guide them and help them learn.  I encourage them when they fall, to pick themselves up, turn it around a try another way. I laugh with them, I cry with them. I listen to them, I hug them and yes, I discipline them. They have become, “my kids” too. I would throw myself under a train for KJ and Ellie as I also would do for my TMMS kids. An on occasion, I have already.

I have no words to express how, profoundly, utterly helpless I would feel if I could not have protected my kids from the animal who attacked them, today.

We had our first lock-down drill about 3 weeks ago and my "kids" did great. It was routine and business as usual.....Never again, will I ever. ever take this drill as routine and business as usual. I am sure that each and every drill we have, will open this horrific wound. The next one we have is going to be very, very hard for everyone. Peaceful thoughts are wished to all; we all need them, we all have been touched by this tragedy.

December 17, 2012

I  sat in a circle with my 8th graders and reminded them that when they walked through my door on the first day of school, they became "my kids" and that our door to the hall will be locked and remain so until further notice. I also told them that if, IF someone broke through the door, the first thing they would see is the flat screen ....really close up, followed by the rock I use for a paper-weight, the tape dispenser, the scissors and my great big teeth, biting them.....and the list goes on......simply locking the door brought a visible relaxing of the shoulders. I do not have shades for my huge windows, but I am going to break out the sewing machine and make some this vacation, so we can hide better. That also reassured.......so sad that in a community where violence is not uncommon to "my kids," the last bastion of security, our school, is questioned.

December 25, 2012

Peace to all

First official teaching job.....

I can't believe I've made it this long at Marshall Middle School.  I had been two solid years, subbing , teaching and being a para at the High School level, that the switch back to middle school was daunting. When I was in the Wakefield system, I started out,, almost six years ago at Galvin Middle School, and seamlessly moved back and forth as the preferred substitute teacher between there and  Wakefield High School. I was working in my hometown, wandering the halls that were familiar to me and following y father's legacy. The students I first met in 6th grade at Galvin are now Juniors and Seniors! Some of the students I interacted with at the High School are graduating from college! Some go to college with my own children and some have even dated my daughter and son.

This year, I tried something new. I was hired to teach Science to low level Middle School learners, at an inner city, very poor and very socially challenging school.  My "tough kids" in Wakefield can't hold a candle to my Lynn kids.  There was poverty in Wakefield; there was abuse and neglect, but it was hidden.  I developed a good nose for who had slept in their clothes.I knew who was sliding down the slippery slope, after all, I had known their families for years, I knew them!  I knew nothing about my Lynn kids, except that they walked into my classroom, "the old in-house room" skeptical, distrusting, rolling their eyes at the new "old" teacher.Many were conversing in Spanish and all carried a swagger a mile wide.  Ok, I reminded myself that "kids are kids" and that I could do this, I had done this many times, but not here, not Science and not at a school where the students were rumored to run the school. (I had worked for six months at English High School in Lynn, prior to my switch to TMMS.)

I also found out very quickly, that part of the "problem" here was no one seemed to have a firm hand at the helm.  Memos would go out, then get corrected, then get recalled, only to go out in the original two days later.  Meetings were called, hours after I had gone for the day, and I would be chastised like a child, for missing them.  I was forced to attend long new teacher meetings as a stipulation of my hiring, I was assigned a mentor........Imagine, I was shown all there tricks of the trade to help me as a "new teacher!" Hello???? I had been a substitute teacher for five years and had been "mentored" by so many wonderful veteran teachers ,many with  whom, I continue to collaborate!  I have made many lesson plans, followed many units and managed many a classroom of diverse and challenging children. I've written many IEPs, chaired numerous meetings, been to many, many "back to school nights.  This was TORTURE!

As the weeks go by, the meetings have been less intrusive and I have been able to connect and teach the way I love to teach, by letting the kids take the reins and question everything. 

December 14th was a heart-wrenching and horrible last half of the day.  I was helping the kids finish their wonderfl Mars post-cards and models when I foujnd out about the school shooting in Newtown CT.  I looked around my tiny, cozy classroom, and saw my kids in a different light. I do love what I do