Serenity

Serenity
The Breachway

Thursday, May 30, 2019

A Father's Love is Forever

October 10th, I had a heart attack. I didn't know, at the time, it was a heart attack. I felt a weird squeeze and a bit of hmmm....heartburn? What whipped my head around was the squeeze went up my neck, both sides and caused my lymph glands to swell. A tiny bit of sweat on my upper lip, the slightest tingle in my upper left arm. Come to thin of it, I remember feeling something similar to this a couple of times before, but I ignored it; dismissed it as just a weird feeling. This time was different.
Not wanting to leave my car where I was. I didn't think an ambulance was necessary. I was fine! It was just a weird feeling. I called my daughter, Ellie , who insisted we go to the Emergency Room at our local hospital. I carefully and slowly drove myself home down busy Rte 1. Ellie drove me to the ER, and yes, I was having a heart attack; a women's version of a heart attack. The rest is History, which I hope to journal at a later date. What I need to write is the presence I felt when the squeezing became weirder than before.

Sitting quietly, trying to accept that I really might be in trouble, I felt my father's hands, from behind, on my shoulders, warm, strong and large; comforting. There was never a doubt. Dad was there. My dad was always there for me.I felt a calmness, a peacefulness never imagining what was to come.

Throughout my hospital stay, the implementing of a stent in the "widow maker" artery, and the following days at home, I felt completely at peace, never a fear, no anxiety about my heart attack. I knew, or felt, I was no longer in control. I "let go of the wheel," and trusted. Not a specific being or thing, or procedure. I just trusted.

My father's body left 21 years ago; my father's protection, love and guidance remained. I am grateful he has that dime in his pocket to call home.


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